cge na,, ako naman pahirapan mo...

really am very restless the night we argued of something,, that i cant imagine what may happen if i would be losing him.. the night after, i surprised him, went to his school, we met..
he was very cold and we talked of what happened,,

"anung ginagawa mo dito?" those were his words that i cant answer,, of course, im there to beg fo an apology but he said, no need for such.. he just felt so bad that im not serious for us,, like even if how many times i would be telling him im serious and im looking for a better us,, parang ayaw n nya maniwala.. that maniniwala nga lang siya, just becoz i said so..

the night went out well, that we came into the normal beings we are for each other,,
am totally and super happy that i was able to touch him again,, hold him in his arms and slightly hug him.. while we're in the coffee shop, he asked me what was i waiting for just to let myself commit with him... he was supposed to ask it pa daw but then, he was really maingay and it really must have been playing on his mind,, i didnt answer until i said,, maybe for what happened,, this is the thing that im waiting for.. (hindi ko lang alam if narinig nya un)

then by the time we parted out ways,, i have to go sa office and he has to go home na din,,
i send him a message,, thanking for spending the time w/ me again,, and told him for the first time,, I LOVE YOU... he replied but nothing abt the words i told him..

ngaun, i am afraid that baka ako naman ngayon ang mahirapan to win him back for what happened.. i dont know,, i even told him that he's ignoring my messages indicating that i love him,, but still he replied casually,, I admit, nasasaktan ako,, but i have to wait until he give me his words again like before,,

please,, now that im ready to take the step forward with you,, bakit ngaun ka pa ganyan,,?

restless for what am feelin' sorry

thank you so much for being proud of me,, for buzzing me to everyone,,
but one word i used seems unacceptable to you,,

he asked me, where i have been,, he met his friends then ako din gnon.
we shared the things we did,,
he said he told everything abt me sa friends nya,,
ako nman, told him i told my friends that i have a k-CHURVA..
said he felt bad abt the term i used that he felt im not proud of him..
uu nga, wla p kame commitment xe am waiting for something p din to w/c
hindi nya alam kung ano
i'm still waiting for the right time to tell him that i love him so much
and i'm ready to be committed again..
he's the only person i've known that gave me directions, support, love,
encouragement and all of the things that somehow i need to learn in life..
i defended myself saying that it's not what he's thinking..
that what i want him is to believe me,,trust me..
i am sincere and serious abt him,, that i dont want to lose him..
that im not into playing games..

please dont feel that am not proud of you or that i dont want them to know abt us..
of course,, you're one of the special things that came in my life..
if i could only shout,, i LOVE YOU at an instant,, i would..
if i could only go to your place now and tell you how sorry i am for what i did,,

now,, am crying for what i have done,,
regretting the words i used,,
please hold on for the two of us..
am so sorry,, my love...

the least he knows......

"i dont want to say that I LOVE YOU yet but subconsciously it's what my head and heart is shouting abt" Sabe k sa knya,, im too hesitant xe if im dating him and told him i love you and i would still be dating the other guy, it's called flirting and ayaw ko ng gnon.. so before i commit myself again, see what will happen kahit na,, we're feeling very happy, orgasmically happy, i do need to settle other things in my life muna..

read the blog for rants and raves,, found out that he had a song for me,, "WEAK" and with the blog, he wrote down how he feels for me. but turned out to be a wrong step. he's likely calling himself a big L that he did fall again very fast,,, I was then asking myself, if it was my faut for being so sweet that he misinterpreted my ways,, but from the start naman, already have told him that we'll see what will happen.. and he agreed to it,,

prior in reading his blog, already sent him a message ,, a reply for his message saying he misses me daw and that i do always take care..
my message goes like:

"know that u miss me,, and im happy abt it poh..

ewan ko who would not be happy abt it db

pero,, in my part, i do feel like it's being fast tlga and

2 be honest poh,, im afraid abt it,,

yes,, im grateful for all the efforts

for all the happy times we've had,, no regrets abt those

pero, for knowing u for a month and few days

im still not ready for making another step forward..

and i will always do take care,, wag k mgworry..

just like to let u know. . "

sabi ko nga,, mejo masakit pero it's better to tell him sa pinaka-maayos na paraan rather than just to disappear in the thin air,, the least is that he knows that im thankful for all the things he had done for me and also for the times we have shared..

now im just waiting for his reply to my message,, to see on how he'll catch up with it.. i really dont want to go with this, pero one thing for sure,, if i'll be choosing him, it's not becoz of love anymore but becoz im forced to just not to have his feelings hurt..

i know he'll understand., hopefully he'll do.

this is it...


those were his words for me evrytime that he'll be sending me msg or will be posting something.
im happy and proud abt it. u know how it feels that someone longs for you, misses you and totally cares for you..

march 8th,, as early as 9:30, i left our house, went to trinoma to meet someone,, it's kind of a date that we've long to do,, an extraordinary one that it really took us to be early as possible.. hehehe.
to ame the story short, we did roam the whole trinoma with all every botique inside and see things,, buy some stuff,, eat then walked across THE BLOCK, same thing we did see all the shops and the things they can offer us.. hehehe.

Finally,, by night, we went to their house, i finally met his parents,, they're very mabait nman that made me feel comfy at the same time,, mejo nahihiya nga ako but you'll feel magaan kasi both of them smiled at me,, asking general questions and one good thing, the mom was also from Quezon so,, sabe ko nga,, i do have my Quezon accent back when im talking w/ them.. hahaha
we slept and alam mu n un, hahaha..

next morning,, ayun, i went home,, really was so happy being w. him but was very tired din tlga. kaya when i got home, after eating 2 buns of burger, made me sleep,, n dapt il go out to buy some clothes p din,, kaya bka tomorrow n lang,, will see if i can find some stuff in tutuban or in divisoria.. hehehe... hopefully makasama ko ulit xa..

nothing different happened but something unexpected came in,, made me happy,,
as he always say, orgasmically happy!