was like a century since i last updated this one.. uber raining hard outside,, nothing much to do now since ms. lhong went outside fixin' some stuffs... heheh..
time to do this "bloggy-glog-Blog"..
i asked my co-worker before to take a photo of me using her cam fone,.
too bad, my moto ain't working.. good thing somehow that i can avoid being narcissistic.. ahaha.
nweiz,, just to share the recent photo i've got.
'twas taken on a monday setting, im on pink if u can notice my collar..
we do always have a PINKY monday..
my hair was kinda' short that time..
may face: uber BIG. and there's nothing new about it..
so effin' like it!
[ooooooh.. didnt notice,,
erwin villegas,, my co-worker was at the back!]
saturday,, there goes the once in a year,, malate WHITE PARTY..
i nver tend to ask him if he would like to go or if he'll be goin since from all i was thinking,
he was sick, not feelin good and with all the stress he got from school and hospital,,
he'd rather rest at home but way i am COMPLETELY wrong,,
he said that if ever he had money,, even if he's sick,, he'll go..
im not mad,, i was just overly suprised by his answer..
i know it's his tradition but what i would want him to realize is to be
more caring for himself that some party stuff.
I may not understand how important the party is for him
that i'ts a tradition, something that needs to be fulfilled..
but as what I am for him,, i need to..
It was the first time that i've been to puerto galera,, was uber happy,, spent my holy week there, from holy wednesday until easter sunday.. it's a BLAST!! that i was very happy , extremely happy.. I was not alone,, im with the sweetest and orgasmic person ever in the whole world, RS..
Holy Wednesday - April 8, 2009
things packed up, ready to go.. had 3 bags with me, the black lancome with all of my shirts, undies, pants, shorts and towels in there.
the orange herbench girlie bag with some toiletries and sarong
the green ESPRIT bag with all of my small stuff.. hehehehe
left the house before noon, met up with RS on their area.
we went to puregold grocery to buy some stuff, then ate our luch before leaving,,
we even bought our fave jollibee ice craze and hot fudge sundae w/c we forgot when we're on the cab na.. dahil sobrang init and we want something refreshin, go, manong please wait, gonna get lang the refreshments,, hehehe..
By 2pm, we were already on the bus goin to batangas port..
arrived at batangas port... bought tickets..
rode the bankga, saw Ramy, my trainer in TP..
uber tagal the byahe that it was dark n when we arrived at galera island..
funny thing,, when we'er approaching the island,, the bekis are calling our names w/c was so embarassing but then was very exciting.. that we felt we're very much welcomed and they're uber excited to see us.. hehehe
first night p lang,, we went out,,
they had their drinks,, i was introduced to all of them,. very nice people though,,
vey beki,, very maingay,, very masaya.. hehehe
HOLY THURSDAY passed by,, same old gimmicks we're done..
HOLY FRIDAY passed by,, we didnt go out that night,,
and oh,, dahil nga nsa puerto kame, one thing we never missed to do,,
to go out and bathed in the sun,, was uber sarap and also uber great to swim in the waters,, quite dangerous lang xe a little move would give u a deeper area that u cant seem to touch the floor na with your bare feet,, hehehe
but the feeling of the sun,, summer n summer na tlga,,
then all you can see are people,, playing beach vollyeball, walking,
talking, having massages, braids worked upon on hairs, drinking beers, bathing and swimming..
basta lahat n mkkita mu and it's amazing tlga to be in galera...
u feel like you're in a different world,
woory free, problem free and all you have to do is to be happy...
Holy Saturday - april 11, 2009
all of us were in white..
me and RS had our moment,, we ate at Tia Maria's,, had fun and un na un,, hahaha
then we went to jurassic,, it;s a place where bi/gay people find pleasure,,
lakad lakad k lang ,, then my lalapit n sau..
the place is all about SEX,, anu pa b?? hehehehehe
pero ako,, no longer need it,, im with RS, what more can i ask for db..
he's now my life,, all i ever have.. naks!!
Easter Sunday - April 12, 2009
Time to go home,, went home around 4:30am
needs to sleep para my energy sa byahe and nang mkgcing pa ng maayos,,
buti n lang ang asawa ko,, ndi antukin like me,, hehehe
he woke me up , saying i need to fix myself na..
before lunch,, nsa bangka n kame,,
kahit ayaw pa,
ready to go back to the city..
one thing i realized,, if ur goin to galera,,
make sure ur with a company whom ul be happy with talaga
make sure ur with someone special to you and
make sure ur with someone who's not maarte.. hahaha
he was very cold and we talked of what happened,,
"anung ginagawa mo dito?" those were his words that i cant answer,, of course, im there to beg fo an apology but he said, no need for such.. he just felt so bad that im not serious for us,, like even if how many times i would be telling him im serious and im looking for a better us,, parang ayaw n nya maniwala.. that maniniwala nga lang siya, just becoz i said so..
the night went out well, that we came into the normal beings we are for each other,,
am totally and super happy that i was able to touch him again,, hold him in his arms and slightly hug him.. while we're in the coffee shop, he asked me what was i waiting for just to let myself commit with him... he was supposed to ask it pa daw but then, he was really maingay and it really must have been playing on his mind,, i didnt answer until i said,, maybe for what happened,, this is the thing that im waiting for.. (hindi ko lang alam if narinig nya un)
then by the time we parted out ways,, i have to go sa office and he has to go home na din,,
i send him a message,, thanking for spending the time w/ me again,, and told him for the first time,, I LOVE YOU... he replied but nothing abt the words i told him..
ngaun, i am afraid that baka ako naman ngayon ang mahirapan to win him back for what happened.. i dont know,, i even told him that he's ignoring my messages indicating that i love him,, but still he replied casually,, I admit, nasasaktan ako,, but i have to wait until he give me his words again like before,,
please,, now that im ready to take the step forward with you,, bakit ngaun ka pa ganyan,,?
thank you so much for being proud of me,, for buzzing me to everyone,,
but one word i used seems unacceptable to you,,
he asked me, where i have been,, he met his friends then ako din gnon.
we shared the things we did,,
he said he told everything abt me sa friends nya,,
ako nman, told him i told my friends that i have a k-CHURVA..
said he felt bad abt the term i used that he felt im not proud of him..
uu nga, wla p kame commitment xe am waiting for something p din to w/c
hindi nya alam kung ano
i'm still waiting for the right time to tell him that i love him so much
and i'm ready to be committed again..
he's the only person i've known that gave me directions, support, love,
encouragement and all of the things that somehow i need to learn in life..
i defended myself saying that it's not what he's thinking..
that what i want him is to believe me,,trust me..
i am sincere and serious abt him,, that i dont want to lose him..
that im not into playing games..
please dont feel that am not proud of you or that i dont want them to know abt us..
of course,, you're one of the special things that came in my life..
if i could only shout,, i LOVE YOU at an instant,, i would..
if i could only go to your place now and tell you how sorry i am for what i did,,
now,, am crying for what i have done,,
regretting the words i used,,
please hold on for the two of us..
am so sorry,, my love...
read the blog for rants and raves,, found out that he had a song for me,, "WEAK" and with the blog, he wrote down how he feels for me. but turned out to be a wrong step. he's likely calling himself a big L that he did fall again very fast,,, I was then asking myself, if it was my faut for being so sweet that he misinterpreted my ways,, but from the start naman, already have told him that we'll see what will happen.. and he agreed to it,,
prior in reading his blog, already sent him a message ,, a reply for his message saying he misses me daw and that i do always take care..
my message goes like:
ewan ko who would not be happy abt it db
pero,, in my part, i do feel like it's being fast tlga and
2 be honest poh,, im afraid abt it,,
yes,, im grateful for all the efforts
for all the happy times we've had,, no regrets abt those
pero, for knowing u for a month and few days
im still not ready for making another step forward..
and i will always do take care,, wag k mgworry..
just like to let u know. . "
sabi ko nga,, mejo masakit pero it's better to tell him sa pinaka-maayos na paraan rather than just to disappear in the thin air,, the least is that he knows that im thankful for all the things he had done for me and also for the times we have shared..
now im just waiting for his reply to my message,, to see on how he'll catch up with it.. i really dont want to go with this, pero one thing for sure,, if i'll be choosing him, it's not becoz of love anymore but becoz im forced to just not to have his feelings hurt..
i know he'll understand., hopefully he'll do.
those were his words for me evrytime that he'll be sending me msg or will be posting something.
im happy and proud abt it. u know how it feels that someone longs for you, misses you and totally cares for you..
march 8th,, as early as 9:30, i left our house, went to trinoma to meet someone,, it's kind of a date that we've long to do,, an extraordinary one that it really took us to be early as possible.. hehehe.
to ame the story short, we did roam the whole trinoma with all every botique inside and see things,, buy some stuff,, eat then walked across THE BLOCK, same thing we did see all the shops and the things they can offer us.. hehehe.
Finally,, by night, we went to their house, i finally met his parents,, they're very mabait nman that made me feel comfy at the same time,, mejo nahihiya nga ako but you'll feel magaan kasi both of them smiled at me,, asking general questions and one good thing, the mom was also from Quezon so,, sabe ko nga,, i do have my Quezon accent back when im talking w/ them.. hahaha
we slept and alam mu n un, hahaha..
next morning,, ayun, i went home,, really was so happy being w. him but was very tired din tlga. kaya when i got home, after eating 2 buns of burger, made me sleep,, n dapt il go out to buy some clothes p din,, kaya bka tomorrow n lang,, will see if i can find some stuff in tutuban or in divisoria.. hehehe... hopefully makasama ko ulit xa..
nothing different happened but something unexpected came in,, made me happy,,
as he always say, orgasmically happy!
started the day by 8:00AM,, gone to SSS here in our place to get an ID after working for almost a year and 9 months,, had my reason xe that this is the only time ive had to work on those things,, hahaha.. Of course, the night before, had an arrangement already,, i was invited by B to go to their place,, have some chitchat, eat and watch some DVDs,, i was too excited for it kahit na the day before, we two were already together,,
arrived in B's place by 11:15Am, but prior we dropped by to a grocery store and bought some stuff to munch out,, in their house, watched 2 movies,, mejo corny but we watched "dayo", i was thrilled when i saw the girl character that has wings and "a very special love".. hihihihi.. kakilig nman ung movie and had given us some laughs and thoughts to talk abt..
around 4:00pm, he felt that i am sleepy and wanted to rest,, xe after B, i need to meet A and he knows abt it,, it's something i have promised to A xe they will be leaving for puerto tomorrow and me, I'll be going so province. We went upstairs to his room,, anu pa ba pwede gawin, we hugged each other, kissed each other very sweeeeet like there will be no tomorrow but we didnt have sex.. why? we have to control ourselves abt that matter, we thought of it as something sacred that we would only do it, once that i have committed myself already.. It isn's hard namn, kasi i do know how to control myself and that B also knows how to do it..
while we're lying, B asked me,, what do you like abt A?? i said A's mabait,, but then B said, how abt me? It had me an answer that i liked B due to the way of thinking,, B thinks more that what is right for the age. not totally mature but had a lot of dreams, goals, perseverance to w/c i am looking forward to have as well,, dun ako my problema that's why i said, i do also need someone that can help me figure those things out,. Si B n kaya un?? ewan ko..
hala! told B it's already 5:15PM and i have to go by 6:00PM kasi 7:30Pm kame mgkkita ni A sa Rob gelleria .. so we went sa SM muna to have some sundae, akin xempre hot fudge then sa kanaya caramel daw... on our way,, we talked of something abt what i was doing,, then i told B that the words coming out were indirect words saying that i need to choose one na..
ayaw ko magmadali i told B, i need to see things first,, he accepted my reason and that's one i do also like abt B.. I also thanked B for us not having any sex xe bka mmya,, after nun, we'll never know what myt happen next.. After eating and chatting, B walked me to the LRT station na,, to w/c when it reached EDSA, will ride another MRT going to ortigas,, we waived byes and give smiles to each other,,
Ayan na,, eksena na sa LRT,, dami people, lalo nman sa MRT,, kahit bukas AC nila,, walang epekto, sa dami b nman ng people,, ewan ko n lang kung bkit nid n umunti ang tao dun, hahaha..
arrived Ortigas MRT station,, A texted me, still packing things up,, i said, okies, just go ahead, what can i do?? alangan mag-inarte p ako,, ndi n bagay noh,, stressed n nga ako sa byahe eh..
so, told A, we'll meet sa 2nd floor, sa my Benetton,, To make it short, he arrived after 30 minutes,, Punyeta!! i was no longer in any mood to be cheered up,, the things for me, is that usapan is an usapan,,, ive given my best to be there on time, but then xa?? ewN ko.. A askd for an apology,, told A, e anu pb mggawa ko... then we ate,,talked of nothing much and stroll..
Nothing to say much , kissed?? uu,, ndun n nman un of course,, and cuddly things that can bo done..
iv just noticed one thing,, when me and A was eating,, i grabbed his phone just to take again some pictures of A.. then he got the phone immediately saying that, the time isn't ryt and he just needs to fix it?? question 1,,, am i looking forward to see the time , is that my reason on why would i be getting his phone??/ so,, go,, fine,, change the time according to A.. But,, But,, But by the time A gave the phone back to me,, what i have seen??? "No messages found" uinder the SENT ITEMS,, under the Messaging Menu... parang?? are you hiding something from me??
i did just laugh all by myself inside na,, huh? weird,, i even told A that it's not in my ugali to look on someone else's phone for the messages,, pakielam ko dun,, plues, A is not my partner. not committed w/ each other and A still has the its own life..
, i was only going to take some pics,, duh?!
I would not say it's a complete turn off but then,, ayaw ko ng gnon,, A has to lie for something that has nothing to be lied upon on... Burns me here.. and i hate it..
1. Why do i need a partner?
simple,, i need someone who would be a motivator, someone who'll guide me through the things i am doing and will be doing. I need someone that can help me reach my goals thru the ups and downs, shout at me if i need it so w/o hesitation, spank me at the back of my head if i get evil, comfort me if im lonely and of course a person who'll satisfy my humane needs,, hahaha
i usually dont give out the reason that i need an inspiration since i do have my family as my inspiration..
But the thing is, I've had 8 relationships already but i can count who of them had been this motivator. Who would be tough enough for me, superior enough that i would intend to follow, I am a very submissive person but at the same time, opinionated,, I do what i want to do, speak what's in my head knowing that sometime, it really would hurt but the thing is,. the least the person have known it,, kaso, hindi lahat ng tao, kaya ako intindihin,, That's where my problem arise, they dont know me too well..
Yes, they know me by my name, the things i like, i do, i hate, even my family. But they didn't try to reach who i am inside.
Bakit nga daw ba?? kasi, i have nver known them either for a long time not until, i accepted them as my partner.
the foundation lacks..
By this time,, i am seeing two human beings,, both havent's had any relationship since last 2 years,, there's A and there's B..
A is very shy, mabait and very cuddling,, i had been honest w/ him with what happened w. the past relationships i've had,, we do text everyday, A calls me after work, talks for almost 2 hours,. exchange thoughts, A misses me daw, and i miss A too as well,, for a person so cuddly, why wouldnt you miss it,, Mababaw na person lang si A that simple things makes it happy , but before we ended up seeing each other, alam nya that I dont want to rush things na baka mamaya ,, mali n nman pala .. it would hurt me and hurt A as well.. Sayang lang db if it will all go to waste gawa ng hatred if things won't work. I do just have some problems w/ him that A gets comfy na,, he says mwah, kisses me even when we're together that i can say is alright lang,, and this time , on the IM, A now do says "luv luv luv",.. nu b yan?? Seems like A is thinking that we're going to the next step to w/c i am still afraid of.. kaya lage ko n lang sinasabe sa kanya,, "we're moving too fast dude!!"
Compared to A, B is very mabait din and to top it all, very honest,, B knows everyhting about A, like the things we do and sort. B just told me, it hurts but i have to accept it, since it's a choice that was made,, Sabe ko lang sa kanya,, i can still date you or A, im not yet committed,, B also knows my plans for building a good foundation for friendship before stepping into a relationship to w/c on turn, un din ang gusto nya.. we do have a lot of things in common,, we're both bitchy on our own way.. and we do love it.. I love B's philo in life and it really shows the mature side of who B is. B feels sorry if sometines, w/ the words coming out of the mouth made me think on what to do and choose one,, but told B, "it's not yet the time,, and i do need time still".
I just do feel that im being a flirt if you can call it,, im hitting two birds w/ one stone,, But i dont want to think this is my way of doing it and am i just afraid to face the truth.. i was asking myself , was saying im not yet ready is just a front for me? for being such a jerky flirt?? some may say YES... But i would like to make believe no, that this has been the only time in my life that i have not been in any relationship for a long time,, thinkings eriuously where or who shall i go with,, Im giving myself time to think and decide,, linger and evaluate who would be the best for me, and who will I be best for, w/o having them saying,, "anu b yan?? bakit ganon, it;'s not what im expecting." that's one of the things im afraid to hear,, sabihin n naten, klangan ko maging sigurado,, pero klnagan ko din malaman ung risk,,, Am i afraid to take it,, maybe yes,, risk that i will unintentionally hurt someone to w/c om afraid of.. Both are the best for me,, but cannot have them both. Need to choose one or lose it all?? Ayaw ko namn,, lalo pa ngaun, iv found two interesting individuals compensating my needs..
Ayaw ko sabihin n maganda ako,, kasi i think it comes w/ my personality,, Pero again, im very stupid for taking the choice in gving myself the time,, look what happened,, until now,, i am still confused and big question,, until when will i be able to know the time im needing is already enough??
february 25, 2009,, i submitted my resignation after being w/ the company for almost 1 year and 9 months,,
arrived at the office exactly 1:37 AM, guess it'll be easy to know where im working at xe office hours during the nyt.. hahaha.. nweiz,, my supervisor isnt arriving yet, he's always late and im sued to it. what i did to comfy myself was to linger w/ some of my friends at the office and my former supervisor.. they asked me why,, gave them the answer w/o any further justification: "I'm FED up".
all of them did try their best to retain me, keep me out from submitting my letter but I said to myself that this has been a long time plan , never came to reality lang dahil sa mga circumstances..
then blah, blah, blah,,, already 3:23 AM,, sawmy supervisor,, approached him and said "Boss!"
sabe nya,, "oh, anu kmusta k na?? uy , ndi ako galit ha.." told him nman,, "yah, i know, uh, eto boss ung aking Med cert
I explained how i feel abt doing the job that i am now restless of seeking something to w/c I'll be happy, sae nga sa letter ko, "i know this will deprive me security but will liberate me to reach my dreams and I gladly take the risk". He's happy for what im doing, he didnt even bother to tell me if the reason was becoz of the disposition i have in the company or even asked if there's any thing he can do to retain me... Happy ako dun kasi the least is that I dont have to make pilit pa that Im willing to resign..
End of conversation with my supervisor,, then told him aalis na ako.. need to sleep na.
hehehehee.. will just be back again for some clearances and sort..
Happy ako,, that's what im proud of.
Left some friends there but know they'll still be in touch. .
i dont know if who the earth would care to read my blog but welcome again and sorry for sorts that has to be apologetic of.. now is 1:38am,, saturday, february 21st of 2009.. not feeling well that i didnt had enuf sleep, needs to go to work but the heck im tired and need to rest. aside from it, i no longer enjoy what i am doing,, i do love my job, the things i do, the people i get along with,, but the things is, im no longer into it,, this has been the first period of my entire life where i felt no fulfillment from what i am doing,, needs a new air na, new environment,, ready to start all over.. i have decided,, a week from now, that’ll be time that i’ll render what i have to render.. no regrets, just a big step ahead,, for a new life, something that i can be proud of again but can satisfy what im supposed to have..
title: im not in the position,, why? not in the position to be able to say that life is really cruel,, i was wrong when i say im really stupid to fall on the creek again, w/o even looking first how steep it can be nor assuring myself i do have a good base to walk through.. to w/c the fall i had made me realize im a worthy person, that it will be seen by others unexpectedly..
helped me stand up and feel that im special,. but as i stand w/ my own feet, i said that it should be in a manner that i may not feel im forced to stand immediately. that i need to know first if il break some of bones again if i did it quick or if il get dizzy and just bumpd again w. the wrong person who happened to help me… evryone can help you but afterwards, not evryone is there to make a follow up on what should u do..
i am not in the position to say i am in a confusion,,
but i am in the right position to say that this is the right time for me to think of what i will do next.. ..
****taken from my previous blogsite...